#秃头记录# 我的导师真的是太好了。今天independent study结尾，我跟她很坦诚地聊了一下我此时此刻有点被夹在imposter syndrome和periodically think I am pretty badass 的想法中间, 奇怪的心理状态让我极其想证明自己，所以在过去的那个星期里觉得压力愈发难以承受。她现身说法安慰了我半天，超级耐心鼓励我。最后我跟她说Thank you for always being so supportive for me, 她跟我wink：Well, it’s actually not hard to do so when you’ve got a great student. [泪][泪][泪]awwwww她真是太温暖了[心]

Life usually excites me but also disgusts me. I saw the vivacious part of it, of squirrels jumping and playing around under spots of sunlight. I saw an insect landing on the small square of ground brick in front of me. But then I found one stepped onto the ground by someone else. Its beautiful corpse, with a trace of bright reddish color, a symbolic broken heart. It reminded me of the encounter with a dead squirrel under one of the big trees in the woods, laying under the covering of trees' shadow. Rainy days, tears of cloud fell through the leaves, dropping on the eyes of the squirrel which widely opened as it had never closed. And I imagined the rain dripping from the corners. As the sky never cries for the death of a squirrel or there will be so many creatures to cry for, it cried out the mourning tear for itself. Body, climbed by ants around. The attraction of dead body to insects never ended until every part of it was rotten, so its entity could finally integrate with the embrace of soil, unless it would be picked up and thrown to elsewhere. That's the story of the end of lives.

本来以为回到Ldn的第一天，会心潮澎湃地发一条pyq说—— So nice to see you again！！！
但事实上是本倒霉蛋在公寓被偷了行李，痛失新买的Surface和一箱子贵重物品…
前前后后跑了Ldn四个警察局，和形形色色的Local沟通无果，突然意识到我曾经以为的“Gentle” 而今看来只是浮于表面的“礼节”，并不是直达内心深处的“共情”；我曾经眷恋的“热心”只是少数，更多的是事不关己的“冷漠”……
就是说，丢了箱子的第一时间不能带我check CCTV，第二天鸽我，第三天告诉我没有警察在场，我没有权限看监控[微笑] 很好，丢了箱子的十天之后警察再来上门侦查，估计我的电脑都在下一任主人桌子上了，箱子tmd都快进了垃圾场吧[拜拜]

写下这些，是因为“出离了愤怒”的那两天已经过去了，逐渐释然了、佛了…

但韩一一给我买的价值5镑的还安静地美着
最后一年的校园生活还是要积极地过着