NỖI BUỒN CŨNG LÀ QUÀ. Tặng một

首页发布

NỖI BUỒN CŨNG LÀ QUÀ.
Tặng một bạn FB đang cảm thấy u ám vì công việc bị cản trở. Bài này tôi đăng trên FB cũ bị phá, các bạn lưu, gửi đăng lại.
___
Khi còn nhỏ, tôi ưu tư hơn các trẻ con khác, tôi nhận biết tâm trạng của bản thân, và như thế, tôi ở trong một tổ hợp vừa buồn vừa lo lắng về buồn.

Cùng các bạn làm thủ công [hồi đó chúng tôi có nhiều bài thủ công và vẽ rất thú vị], tôi rây, nhồi và ủ đất sét tỷ mỷ, phơi trong bóng mát, lại còn sốt ruột trở trái khế để khô đều các mặt, rồi chờ thật khô mới tô màu. Tôi làm đủ các bước như trong sách hướng dẫn, kể cả việc ra tiệm thuốc bắc của người Tàu, mua giấy bản màu vàng, ngâm nước thành bột, nhào cùng đất sét. Tôi không chỉ làm một, mà làm hai ba quả để đề phòng trong lúc đem tới trường có thể bị sứt. Ngoài ra tôi còn ủng hộ bạn thân vì bạn làm xấu quá [tất nhiên là tôi không ủng hộ bạn quả đẹp nhất mà để chấm điểm]. Khỏi phải nói, các tác phẩm của tôi lúc nào cũng được trầm trồ, điểm cao nhất và được trưng bày. Nếu cô giáo không giữ lại thì mẹ tôi sẽ bày các tác phẩm của tôi ở nhà. Những đứa ẩu – đó là tôi nghĩ như thế về họ, nhưng mẹ tôi nói rằng: “họ đã cố gắng lắm rồi” – quả khế méo mó, rạn nứt, màu loang lổ lại không hề buồn, không bận tâm chút nào, chúng chạy ào ra khỏi lớp, la to, uống nước, nhảy dây, cãi nhau, bức xúc gì đó nhưng không buồn và rồi hoàn toàn quên.

Mẹ tôi đã nói với tôi như thế này: nỗi buồn kéo tới khi công việc không như ý là do lòng tự tôn bị tổn thương, sau này mẹ tôi gọi nó là “cái Ngã không được thỏa mãn”, con đã làm việc không phải vì bản thân việc đó cần làm và có ích mà vì một phần thưởng, chẳng hạn như mong ước được khen hay điểm cao. Tâm lý ấy có nguồn gốc ‘logic’ – mẹ tôi dùng chính cái từ đó – nụ cười của con lúc sơ sinh được bố mẹ vui thích, hai chiếc răng cửa nhú ra làm bố mẹ ngất ngây, bước đi đầu tiên của con được cả nhà chăm chú, cú ngã đầu tiên rồi vịn vào chân bàn tự đứng lên được cả nhà vỗ tay, món tóc đầu tiên dài ra đủ để buộc nơ cũng được khen ngợi, con đã sống trong các lời khen. Cái váy con mặc, mặc dầu không phải con làm ra nhưng mọi người đều trầm trồ khen Lena mặc xinh quá, không ai khen người mua vải, không ai khen người may váy, không ai khen bà Nhung đã thêu cụm hoa rất đẹp… và con coi điều đó là mặc nhiên [lúc đó tôi đã khóc òa lên vì xấu hổ].

Nên làm mọi việc vì điều đó là cần thiết, bản thân công việc đã là phần thưởng rồi. Không ở trong công việc con không có cách gì để trở nên khéo léo. Không thất bại, trí thông minh không có chỗ dùng và con không thể trưởng thành từ bên trong. Ngay cả nỗi buồn cũng có ích. Nỗi buồn cũng là quà.

Khi tôi lớn thêm vài tuổi nữa, mẹ lại nói thế này: hãy để tâm trong mỗi việc của mình để nó hoàn hảo nhất có thể, nhưng đừng mong chờ phần thưởng, mọi việc ta làm Các Ngài biết hết.

Tới tuổi thanh niên tôi được dạy: nếu việc của con thành công, con hãy tặng cho Chúa hay cho người nào mà con yêu quý.

Và tôi đã vác thập giá đời mình: nuôi con, chăm sóc người già, nấu ăn, cầu nguyện, viết một bức thư tình, thảo một đơn kiện… theo cách như thế. Không thất bại, trí thông minh không có chỗ dùng và không thể trưởng thành từ bên trong.
_____
Sơn dầu của Mary Bradish Titcomb [1858-1927]
Nguồn FB Cô Liên Hương

Gamble] 月桂基聚氧乙烯(3)醚 Aerosol 18 19[American Cyanamid] 硬脂基磺基琥珀酰胺酸二钠 Aerosol 22[American Cyanamid] N-(1 2-二羧基乙基)-N-硬脂基磺基琥珀酰胺酸四钠 Aerosol 30[American Cyanamid] 椰油酰胺基丙基甜菜碱 Aerosol A-102[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸癸基聚氧乙烯(6)醚酯二钠 Aerosol A-103[American Cyanamid Cyanamid B V ]磺基琥珀酸聚氧乙烯(10)醚酯二钠 Aerosol A-196[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸二环己酯钠 Aerosol A-268[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸异癸酯二钠 Aerosol AY AY-65 AY-100[Amer Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸二戊酯钠 Aerosol GPG OT-70PG OT-75 OT-100 OT-B OTS [Amer Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸二辛酯钠 Aerosol IB-45[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸二异丁酯钠 Aerosol MA-80[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸二己酯钠 Aerosol TR-70[American Cyanamid] 磺基琥珀酸双十三烷酯钠 Ahco 759[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇月桂酸酯 Ahco 832 944[ICI Americas] 失水山梨醇油酸酯 Ahco 909[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇硬脂酸酯 Ahco 3998[ICI Americas] 油基聚氧乙烯(20)醚 Ahco 7166T[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚三硬脂酸酯

Ahco 7596D[ICI United States]失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(4)醚月桂酸酯 Ahco 7596T[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚月桂酸酯 Ahco AJ-110[ICI] 硫酸化蓖麻油 Ahco DFO-110[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚三油酸酯 Ahco DFO-150 [ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚油酸酯 Ahco DFP-156[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(4)醚棕榈酸酯 Ahco DFS-96[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(4)醚硬脂酸酯 Ahco DFS-149[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚硬脂酸酯 Ahco FO-18[ICI Americas] 失水山梨醇三油酸酯 Ahco FP-67[ICI United States] 失水山梨醇棕榈酸酯 Ahco FS-21[ICI Americas] 失水山梨醇三硬脂酸酯 Ahcovel Base N-15[ICI United States] 甘油硬脂酸酯 Ahcowet DQ-114[ICI United States] 十三烷基聚氧乙烯(6)醚 Ahcowet DQ-145[ICI United States] 十三烷基聚氧乙烯(12)醚 Akypoquat 131 132[Chem-Y GmbH] 山萮酸-2-羟基丙酯基三甲基氯化铵 Akyposal ALS 33[Chem-Y] 月桂基硫酸铵 Akyposal MLES35[Chem-Y GmbH] 月桂基聚氧乙烯(1 4)醚硫酸单乙醇胺 Akyposal NLS[Chemax] 月桂基硫酸钠 Alacsan 7LUF[Alcolac] 油基二甲基苄基氯化铵 Albalan [Westbrook Lanolin] 羊毛脂蜡 Alcolec 439-C 495 619-B 621 628G 634 638 650 658 662 4135 Extra-A Granules HS-3 Powder RCX-1 S Z-3[American Lecithin] 磷脂 Alconate 2CH[Alcolac] 磺基琥珀酸二环己酯钠 Alconate 2CSA[Alcolac] N-(1 2-二羧基乙基)-N-硬脂基磺基琥珀酰胺酸四钠 Alconate CPA[Alcolac] 磺基琥珀酸椰油酰胺基异丙基酯二钠 Alconate D-6[Alcolac] 磺基琥珀酸癸基聚氧乙烯(6)醚酯二钠 Alconate L-3 [Alcolac] 磺基琥珀酸月桂基聚氧乙烯(1 4)醚酯二钠 Alconate LEA[Alcolac] 磺基琥珀酸月桂酰胺基乙酯二钠 Alcopol O-60% O-70PG O-100%[Allied Colloids Ltd ] 磺基琥珀酸二辛酯钠 Alcopol OB[Allied Colloids Ltd ] 磺基琥珀酸二异丁酯钠 Alcopol OD[Allied Colloids] 磺基琥珀酸双十三烷酯钠 Alcopol OS[Allied Colloids Ltd ]磺基琥珀酸二己酯钠 Aldo 52 52NF 54 520 520NF[Sherex] 鲸蜡醇 Aldo DGDO[Glyco] 十聚甘油十油酸酯 Aldo HGDS[Glyco] 六聚甘油二硬脂酸酯 Aldo HMO MO MO Tech MOD[Glyco] 甘油油酸酯 Aldo HMS MS MSD MSLG[Glyco] 甘油硬脂酸酯 Aldo MC[Glyco] 甘油椰油酸酯 Aldo MLD[Glyco] 甘油月桂酸酯 Aldo MR[Glyco] 甘油蓖麻油酸酯 Aldo PGHMS PMS[Lonza Glyco] 硬脂酸丙二醇酯

Aldo TO[Lonza] 甘油三油酸酯 Aldosperse MS-20 MS-20 FG[Glyco] 甘油聚氧乙烯(20)醚硬脂酸酯 Alfol 16[Vista](NF) 鲸蜡醇 Alfol 18 Alcohol[Continental Oil] 硬脂醇 Alipal CO-433[GAF] 聚氧乙烯(4)醚硫酸钠 Alipal CO-436[GAF] 聚氧乙烯(4)醚硫酸铵 Alkamide CDE CDO[Alkaril] 椰油酰二乙醇胺 Alkamide CME CMO[Alkaril] 椰油酰单乙醇胺 Alkamide HTDE[Alkaril] 硬脂酰二乙醇胺 Alkamide HTME[Alkaril] 硬脂酰单乙醇胺 Alkamide L9DE[Alkaril] 月桂酰二乙醇胺 Alkamide L9ME[Alkaril] 月桂酰单乙醇胺 Alkamide LIPA[Alkaril] 月桂酰单异丙醇胺 Alkamide RDO[Alkaril Alkaril Canada] 蓖麻油酰二乙醇胺 Alkamide SDO[Alkaril] 油酰二乙醇胺 Alkamide STEDA[Alkaril] 亚乙基二硬脂酸酰胺 Alkaminox C-2[Alkaril] 椰油胺聚氧乙烯(2)醚 Alkamidox CME-5[Alkaril](5EO) 椰油酰胺聚氧乙烯(6)醚 Alkaminox T-2[Alkaril] 牛油胺聚氧乙烯(2)醚 Alkaminox T-5[Alkaril] 牛油胺聚氧乙烯(5)醚 Alkaminox T-15[Alkaril] 牛油胺聚氧乙烯(15)醚 Alkamox C2 C2-0 [Alkaril] 椰油基二羟乙基氧化胺 Alkamox CAPO[Alkaril] 椰油酰胺基丙基氧化胺 Alkamox LO[Alkaril;Alkaril UK;Alkaril Canada] 月桂基二甲基氧化胺 Alkamox ODM[Alkaril] 油基二甲基氧化胺 Alkamuls 200-DL[Alkaril] 二月桂酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 200-DO[Alkaril] 二油酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 200-DS[Alkaril] 二硬脂酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 200-ML[Alkaril] 月桂酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 200-MO[Alkaril] 油酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 200-MS[Alkaril] 硬脂酸聚乙二醇(4)酯 Alkamuls 400-DL[Alkaril] 二月桂酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-DO[Alkaril] 二油酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-DS[Alkaril] 二硬脂酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-MC[Alkaril] 椰油酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-ML[Alkaril] 月桂酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-MO[Alkaril] 油酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 400-MS[Alkaril] 硬脂酸聚乙二醇(8)酯 Alkamuls 600-DL[Alkaril] 二月桂酸聚乙二醇(12)酯 Alkamuls 600-DO[Alkaril] 二油酸聚乙二醇(12)酯 Alkamuls 600-DS[Alkaril] 二硬脂酸聚乙二醇(12)酯 Alkamuls 600-ML[Alkaril] 月桂酸聚乙二醇(12)酯 Alkamuls 600-MO[Alkaril] 油酸聚乙二醇(12)酯 Alkamuls 600-MS[Alkaril] 硬脂酸聚乙二醇(12)酯

Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkamuls Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf Alkasurf

6000-DS[Alkaril] 二硬脂酸聚乙二醇(150)酯 GML GML-45[Alkaril] 甘油月桂酸酯 GMO GMO-45 GMO-45LG GMO-55LG[Alkaril]甘油油酸酯 GMR[Alkaril] 甘油蓖麻油酸酯 GMS[Alkaril] 甘油硬脂酸酯 GTO[Alkaril] 甘油三油酸酯 PSML-4[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(4)醚月桂酸酯 PSML-20[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚月桂酸酯 PSMO-5[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(5)醚油酸酯 PSMO-20[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚油酸酯 PSMS-4[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(4)醚硬脂酸酯 PSMS-20[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚硬脂酸酯 PSTO-20[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚三油酸酯 PSTS-20[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇聚氧乙烯(20)醚三硬脂酸酯 SML[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇月桂酸酯 SMO[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇油酸酯 SMS[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇硬脂酸酯 STO[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇三油酸酯 STS[Alkaril] 失水山梨醇三硬脂酸酯 ALS[Alkaril] 月桂基硫酸铵 CO-5[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(5)醚 CO-10[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(10)醚 CO-20[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(20)醚 CO-25[Alkaril]蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(25)醚 CO-30[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(30)醚 CO-40M[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(40)醚 CO-200[Alkaril] 蓖麻油聚氧乙烯(200)醚 DLS WADX(modified)[Alkaril] 月桂基硫酸二乙醇胺 EA-60[Alkaril] 月桂基聚氧乙烯(1 4)醚硫酸铵 IPAM[Alkaril] 十二烷基苯磺酸异丙基胺 LA Acid[Alkaril](linear) 十二烷基苯磺酸 LA-3[Alkaril]C12-15 烷基聚氧乙烯(3)醚 LA-7[Alkaril]C12-15 烷基聚氧乙烯(7)醚 LA-12[Alkaril]C12-15 烷基聚氧乙烯(12)醚 LAN-1[Alkaril] 月桂基乙二醇醚 LAN-15[Alkaril] 月桂基聚氧乙烯(15)醚 LAN-23[Alkaril] 月桂基聚氧乙烯(23)醚 MLS[Alkaril] 月桂基硫酸单乙醇胺 NP-1[Alkaril] 乙二醇醚 NP-4[Alkaril] 聚氧乙烯(4)醚 NP-5[Alkaril] 聚氧乙烯(5)醚 NP-6[Alkaril] 聚氧乙烯(6)醚 NP-8[Alkaril] 聚氧乙烯(8)醚 NP-9[Alkaril] 聚氧乙烯(9)醚

百字明咒注音：南无金刚萨埵菩萨摩诃萨

om │ ban-ze^re sa-due-sa-ma-ya │ ma-nu-ba-la-ya │

唵 │ 班杂萨埵萨玛雅│ 玛努巴拉雅│

ben-ze^re-sa-due-dei-no-ba-di-chan-zhi-duo-mei-ba-wa │

班　杂萨埵得诺巴地茶智多美巴瓦 │

su-duo-ka^yo-mei-ba-wa │ su-bo-ka^y