是写给妈妈的歌
Don't be that way,
Fall apart twice a day,
I just wish you could feel what you say,
Show, never tell,
But I know you too well,
Kind of mood that you wish you could sell,
If teardrops could be bottled,
There'd be swimming pools filled by models,
Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore,
If I love you was a promise,
Would you break it if you're honest,
Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before,
I don't wanna be you anymore,
Hands getting cold,
Losing feeling's getting old,
Was I made from a broken mold?
Hurt, I can't shake,
We've made every mistake,
Only you know the way that I break.

#百词斩每日一句#
我承认你有几分姿色。如果我20岁，我会毫不犹豫追你。如果我三十岁，我会放弃家庭跟你在一起。但是真的很对不起，我现在才六年级。学业压得我喘不过气。你能辅导我作业吗？
I admit that there's some beauty in you. If I were 20, I wouldn't hesitate to win your affection. If I were 30, I'd give up my family to be with you. But I'm really sorry. I'm only 12 years old. I'm under great pressure from heavy study loads. Can you help me with my homework?

本来想去体验4D过山车结果买错票买到效果很差的2D，我欲哭无泪，开演半小时都在等待过山车结果唯一的过山就是通过零减震座椅清晰感受同一排观众的窸窸窣窣。
今天还强化了看第一次就有的一个想法——图先生戴上眼镜的某些角度表情真的很像老北，让我常常恍惚。
我最近仍然偶尔梦到exex，有好的时候，也有坏的时候。可能是去期将近，trauma被放大了吧。坏的时候大概是我搜肠刮肚地企图完整陈列他的罪状（基本上都在打磕巴或是回忆不起来关键几项），想要对方或是某个中立第三方真正认识到他的所作所为是多么恶劣。这一年多来，我的愤怒和恨意像余烬一样在心底闪烁。每当潜意识从我从未刻意忆起的好时光中随意摘取素材，填充我的梦境时，我不得不烧旺未熄的、暂眠的愤怒，来制衡梦境余韵中让人疼痛的温暖。我不愿看到我对此人的回忆是大体美好的，虽然从时间分布来说也许确实如此，但我觉得太不公平。因此我在痛苦回忆上加上了黑洞般的权重。
【公平】。
我曾经已经不在乎真心实意的忏悔，但我反悔了。我反悔自己承受一切。我希望对方能切肤感受到他对我的伤害。我不需要此人重新进入我的人生，我只需要对方意识到他所做的。我惧怕我在对方口中，成为一段被模糊和篡改的历史，正如我们不停地修正自己的历史一样。我不能忍受被消费，成为他表达自己价值、赢取好感的佐证。我不能忍受他可以轻易离开，伤心一阵后便重新出发，伤口愈合如初，不需要面对人生永远的撕裂。
看完电影开车回家的路上，我突然有一点点轻松。
也许是读时，女主谈到她父亲时说的，“...I accepted my decision on its own terms, without endlessly prosecuting old grievances, without weighing his sins against mine. ... I accepted, finally, that I had made the decision for my own sake. Because of me, not because of him. Because I needed it, not because he deserved it."
"I can only remember those things (the good memories) now, with a span of miles and years between us."
或是今天刚开始读的中关于愤怒的部分, "Anger is a means to achieve a goal".
我想要的究竟是什么呢？是迫使对方承认he is a much worse and less conscious human being？再深入一些，是我希望对方也能被他自己的刀刺伤吧。我也不能完全弄清楚。
看完播放效果很差的电影，我脑子过热，找了一家6km以外25分钟后有真4D的电影院，打算赶那一场，实在有些疯狂。这时候我突然想，如果是exex，一定会毫不犹豫地成为这心血来潮的共犯吧。
我这么想的时候，心里没有常常随之而至的、强迫性的愤怒。
也许我开始原谅了。
感谢主。